Pwny Express!

If I appear a bit brain dead today .. blame it on an all-nighter gaming and the fact that it's Halloween ... I'm not only allowed to be braindead .. I'm encouraged to be so!  Zombies!  Braaaaaains!

Before I lose my mind completely though, we should mark those people who are helping melt faces in a spectacular way ...

• 170: Iola (totally not above self-congrats)
• 80: Zairinzan
• 3 levels yesterday: 181149
• 5M gold contributed: Zimmi

♪♪♪♫♫♪♫♪

Notes

• Zimmi has enterted into negotiations with another guild to take some of their extra players (O.o I know .. who has those???)  This may or may not pan out (so we're not releasing details at this time), yet you should be aware that you may soon have a few more guildmates. : )

♪♫

• I'll be setting up an ad on the forums on Monday or Tuesday that will invite people to come to our guild .. and bring their friends with them.  We currently have enough open slots to take on a good selection of people.

♫♪

• If both of these plans work out, then we'll have a lot of new faces here.  It's a big if, I know.  

♪♫

• Take stock of what you're doing for activity.  I've been here a month.  I've seen some folks not level once.  I've seen them only level once.  And yet, I see the same folks in raids and guild wars.  The support there is very appreciated ... yet ... 
  
  ... if you're participating in wars and not levelling ... are you really playing the game?  Do you think 'playing' is logging in and clicking a button each day?  I'd like to say that you are, but the sad truth is ...  you're not 'playing'. 
  
  Playing is advancement through game content, including, but not limited to
  
  • levelling your character through tavern quests and personal dungeons,
  • working at and raising your stats,
  • deciding on proper gear and stat levels,
  • attempting personal dungeons,
  • participation in guild dungeons and guild wars, and
  • contribution to guild coffers of gold you've earned in your endeavors.
  If you're not doing all of these things, you aren't actively playing.
  
  Zimmi's recruiting post on the forums states "People who are inactive for more than a week without communicating a reason will be removed but will also be welcomed back when they return provided they will be active members." 
  
  Now, Zimmi is a very good-hearted, good-natured and loyal person.  She hasn't enforced these rules.  Yet.  If both of the plans noted above bring in a number of people, she may be forced to remove people who are inactive. She and I know who you are.  You know who you are.  You might want to get a move on if you'd like to save your guild spot.    There's a scary Halloween thought for you.

Noooo!!!  Not the hot tea bath ... Aighhhhhh!

Pwny Express!

Wow!  Seems like everyone was motivated yesterday and we had nearly everyone making some sort of movement in their levels.  Kalais, who up 'til now has been our low man on the totem pole, leaves that distinction to Chucker.  Ravenna, with mid-terms behind her, has zoomed up two levels, and 181149 who only recently was on our pages as reaching 100, is now almost halfway to the next plateau ... well done everyone!

Zimmi, in addition to pouring close to 5M gold into the guild coffers, adds a spiffy new number to her levels as well .. so let's raise a big glass of potables to our very generous leader!

• 170: Zimmi

Cake anyone?  Happy Halloween!

Pwny Express!

Gosh, it seems like half the guild has taken a deep breath of fresh air or something.  Levelling has become a bit stalled ... maybe you're off preparing Halloween costumes?  Well, get back here .. we'll all munch on caramel popcorn balls, toffee, chocolate bars, licorice .. and get quite fat and sassy as we knock off a few more levels!

Make sure you fill Harsh Reality's candy bag with special goodies today for his big celebration

• 100:  Harsh Reality

♫♪♪♪♫♪♪♫

Notes

• Candy weekend is fast upon us and if you've dressed up for Halloween, share your pictures with us!   Upload them to photobucket or someplace like that and send a link to Zimmi or me .. we'll post your costumes here!

Feel free to put some of these in my candy bag!

Rank 1 in Polish Shakes&Fidget

Hello clannies! :)
In Poland Shakes & Fidget is very popular game. Today there was opening of 7th server.
I tried it just for fun since I never played new server, always joining to late :P
And... Since begining I am ranked at number 1 :D

Here is screenie :D


Most of the time I was clanless, and here is some of the Guild invintations :P

Pwny Express!

A mighty fine day it is, and we're breaking out streamers and party favors because one of our members has finally hit the three-digit mark.  We're bringin' in cake and ice cream for dinner this evening!

• 100:  181149

♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♪

Notes

• A double-knockout today against Adventurers Inc.  Time to step up to the plate and hit a home run! (Oh man .. sports clichés can go on forever!)  Everyone please click in .. if we do, we can put these guys below us in the lists.

 ♪♫

• Mushroom sale this weekend *should* coincide with Hallowe'en as it did last year. You might want to hold off any larger purchases until then.

Smee's Great Battle!!

Jaxey, or Smee as we in the guild know him, is one of our War Generals. He was perusing the forums the other day ...all day in fact...and must have been in a state of 'fog brain' because he was even reading posts that were two years old. As he read he came across a guild named Starbutz and they had insulted every mother of every member of our guild!! He was LIVID!!! He stormed into the guild swearing in a language I had nevah heard even in Texas and we can swear in all languages!! His eyes were glazed ovah, but there was fire coming out of em. We all tried to calm him, but he would not be deterred. He swore revenge on Starbutz that very night.

He painted his face, shined his ear rings, marshaled the troops, rode up and down the ranks on his steedy lil blue tiger and cried, "FREEDOM"!! Everyone looked around and said, "No one evah told us we weren't free. I guess we just nevah noticed." Everyone got the paints out though and followed suit. I have to say we were all more excited about painting our faces than the battle and got just a little carried away with it all. I chose grey paint with pink sparklies for my face.

Zimmi liked yellow and white with little music notes all ovah. Iola just chunked a bunch of colors on her face and said, "What the heck"!! She looked like a Picasso!!!

We all mounted our steeds and charged after Smee, who had left minutes before. All we could do was follow the dust since none of us can track worth a hoot. Finally we barely saw him in the midst of the dust that he was stirrin' up and charged after him. Before we knew it we were in battle. Wands and swords and axes and arrows were flyin' everywhere! We didn't know what we were killin' but with all the fightin' we had to be killin' sumthin'!! Finally the dust settled and I felt something wet on my stainless steel flame pinstriped talons. I thought we were all wading in blood till I looked down and saw a spilt paper coffee cup swimming in cappuccino.

The dust and wand induced smoke finally cleared and we all looked around and low and behold........ We were in the middle of a Starbucks Coffee shop!!!! Smee realized his mistake rather late but tried to downplay it. He walked ovah to the dazed disheveled girl behind the counter and while nonchalantly looking at the menu said, "Make mine a Caramel Macchiato and cheese danish, please."

Pwny Express!

Oh, I missed a day!  Bad Iola!  I was out drinking beer with Eagle and then we went for a pedicure .. you know how fussy he is about those talons of his.  Anyway, we ended up a tattoo parlor and well ... we made a pact not to tell that story!

So, ahem ... we have double celebrations today!

• 170:  Dolgan Elfbane
• 90:  Laguna
• 60:  Chaochao, Hell and me8

♫♪♪♫♫♫♪

Notes

• A warm welcome to Keldonhing who I'm sure you'll all see chatting up a storm. o.~

♪♫

• Today, the Pwnies collectively are level 91.  Keldonhing averaged us up three levels.  :D

♫♪

• In the last 24 days, we've had some folks make impressive level gains and they deserve an "attaboy" .. or "attagirl" ... or "attabirdie"
  
  • 31:  Kalais
  • 13:  venkman
  • 11:  Iola
  • 10:  Eagle Talon, cyberx60, Pepperoni, Hell and me8

Some more of Eagle Talon's 'uncles'?

Funny animated gifs for everyday phrases

Well... I found an amusing page, I thought it would be fun to share it with you all. 

There are a great many animated gifs here that are just too good for words.  Enjoy

Animated Gifs of everyday phrases

Yea, I knew you would be excited too!

Oh while we're at it - check out this game.  It's a flash murloc game made by Blizzard last year.

Failoc

Trip to the zoo with chaochao

I thought it might be time for another field trip and Chaochao wanted to go too! Well, silly me, I thought a trip to a zoo might be a rather sedate setting for our hyper mage. My mistake! I shoulda made him leave his lil mage stick home!!

That boy is busier than a bee in an April bluebonnet field!!  Every step I took he was circling around me ten times at least! I thought he might turn me into butter with all that churnin' about.

We finally got to the zoo and the questions began to fly. His tongue has gotta be sunburned he was yappin' it so much. I tried to answer all his questions, but there was just no satisfying the boy.

Then he went from rambunctiously curious to dangerously experimental. By experimental I mean he was trying out all sorts of spells he had never tried before. I swear I think he was makin' em up as he went. Before I knew it the poor giraffe suddenly developed 'no' neck!! It just plumb disappeared. While I was trying to get him to fix that he zapped the zebra and danged if his stripes didn't just fall right off!!

Then he swapped the lions mane for the rhinos horns...if you can imagine a maned rhino and a horned lion then you get the picture! And don't evah, I say, don't evah make a horned lion mad!!

Well, I finally settled him down by just usin' some of Uncle Foghorn's philosopy...I said, "Look at me, I say, Look at me boy, when I'm tawkin' to you!!" He hushed a minute and I told him he needed to fix some of this mess he made. I got a blank look so I said, "Son, any of this sinking in that pea brain, son?" I swear that boy must be Henery the chicken hawk in disquise. He settled down and seemed to get my drift and started thinkin' about what he could do. He fixed most of it except that poor giraffe is gonna have to eat just very low bushes from now on! And the zebra well he put the stripes back on but still had to get fancy with that danged stick as you can see in the picture below.

That's the last time I let Iola tawk me into takin' Chao to the zoo alone!! Next field trip I'm gonna let Zimmi and Iola take our boy!!

Pwny Express!

Pooh would have aptly named this a 'blustery' day on the island ... I've spent time down by the seawall and now I simply want to curl up with a blanket, my cat, a book, a cup of tea ... and possibly have a good long nap after the tea is gone.

Or .. I could go for another beer.  Dolgan, can you pour us up some nice Irish brew?  We'll hoist our glasses high for ...

• 70:  Archman
• 40:  Kalais

♫♪♪♪♫♫

Notes

• Better watch out Chucker ... Kalais is eyeing your spot on the ladder, thinking he soon won't be lowest level in the guild ... give him a good run for his money!

♪♫

• Mid-terms!  If you, like Ravenna, are bogged down with studying .. we wish you all the very best!  Just let Zimmi or me know you're studying for finals so I don't harrass you about levelling.  I'm here to cheerlead you on, not give you added stress!

♫♪

• Over on the right hand side, you'll note a new number for  Dojo Visitors.  I'd like to see that number climb upward as our blog becomes more popular.   Stop by often!  :D

Pwny Express!

Fridays are my favorite day of the week ... so much anticipation for the weekend .. get togethers with friends and celebrations .. all of which we're going to do ...

• 90:  Gruel
• 79:  Cyberx60

Well done, both of you!

♪♪♫♪♪♪♫♪♪

Notes

• To defeat the dungeons we're at now, we need you to check in, then click in.  The lack of a few of you ... 16 to be exact ... caused the loss of our last guild dungeon and over 1M gold.  So please .. check in a couple of times a day ... at least six hours apart .. to see if there is anything new that needs to be done.

A Lesson with Grandmaster

The Grandmaster is coming and he'll be giving a special lesson to the entire guild.  The sign-up sheet is on the hallway bulletin board.  Don't miss this exciting opportunity!

Failoc-Alypse

Haha, master of offtopic is back :D

The pic from previous post reminds me a very simple browser game made by Blizzard.

Click on the picture below to play the game.

Pwny Express!

After yesterday's little football outing and today's foggy skies, I thought we'd stay indoors, do a bit of training on the mats and then take in some good old-fashioned goulash and a hearty pint o ale to celebrate.  We've got yet another pwny trying to leap over fences and that's a reason to celebrate!

• 80:  Luiself

 ♪♫♫♫♪♪♫

Notes

• I'd like to welcome Rubberduck to the official Peanut Gallery .. you can find his comments on various posts throughout the site ... I'm thinking about a re-design for November, so perhaps I'll find a way to better follow commentary on posts.  

♪♫

• I'm trying to talk Venkman into doing a video series for the website on beers around the world.  If you'd like to see that as well ... please drop him a mail and try to coerce him.  Better yet, if you have pictures with him and a small animal ... blackmail him.

♫♪

• If you have any other ideas for posts to our website ... please give me a shout and we can get something set up.  Right now, we have
  
  • Iola ... Pwny Express (cheerleading) (mostly daily)
  • Eagle Talon ... A Bird's Eye View (Texas Tall Tales) (occasionally)
  • Zimmi ... Pwny Talk (news from the Boss) (occasionally)
  • Venkman ... Proposed video series on beer (occasional)
  • Jaxey ... War Zwn (braggery and badassery) (occasionally)
  • Kalais ... Figures, facts and interesting tidbits (occasionally)
  
  Here are two other ideas off the top of my head:  Daily humourous picture or video from the net; biographies of the Pwnies.  If someone wanted to step up, Zimmi and I would both get behind the idea.
  
  The thing is, even entertaining and witty as they are, I'd like to see more than just my posts every day.  That doesn't mean I want a daily contribution from someone, but given enough 'occasionals', it would be nice to see different authors sprinkled in between my posts.  Come help me spice up this place!

This is how I imagine Chaochao.
Cute as a button, cuddly as all get out
... and dangerous.  Note the teeth.

Pwny Express!

It's a grand day to be out and about, kicking through the leaves in the park or taking a wineskin to a football game,  Oooooo ...  or better yet ... a tailgate party!  Yea, that's the ticket!  I'll bring the smokies and Elfbane can bring the beer. We know Eagle will chatter all the way through the game, so we should just stick him behind a microphone so he can call the game.  Err .. you do know something about football, Eagle?   The rest of you can bring fixin's for the smokies .. cheese, sauerkraut, bacon bits, ketchup, mustard, relish, wasabi mayo, pickles, onions ... mmmm .. we'll sautée up those onions alongside the smokies.  And of course, if you just wanna bring beer, that's always good too!  The halftime show will feature our very own pwnies struttin' their stuff ...

• 80:  Braga
• 70: Jacx

♪♪♫♪♫♫ ♪♫

Notes

• Today, the Pwny Clan is level 88 collectively.  Let's keep building that momentum!

♪♫

• With the additions to Severed Tongue lately and the return of Flying Joe, we'll have our work cut out for us if we want to take away their spot in the  Top 10.  Finding and recruiting higher levels will do that for us ... we have some open spots right now.  If you hear of anyone looking .. please let Zimmi know.

♫♪

• Word is that Eagle Talon is preparing a story about a trip to the zoo with Chaochao.  He's working on clearing his throat ... and you know that takes a lot of time. 

I think Eagle Talon's Mom used to run this place.

Pwny Express!

Another day, another party.  This time, we're heading to the beach!  So grab your best Speedo, Eagle .. the rest of you can probably look as cool in normal swimwear.  Grab a stack of towels, some sun tan lotion and most importanly, a cooler full of beverages!  Once you're all situated, we'll crack open a few and toast our levelling Pwnies!

• 90:  Brunyon
• 80:  Majjy
• 60:  Pepperoni

♫♫♫♪♪♫♪♫♪

Notes

• Men's swimwear .. I googled a lot of 'em for that link.  Arghhh ... my eyes!  I think I need a drink ... maybe I'll have one delivered!  Yea, that's it!

 Remote controlled beer cooler.  I'm in love. ♥

Pwny Express!

Every once in a while, all good little Pwnies must get wash off the blood, cleanse themselves by frolicking in rainbows and sunshine, and eat copious amounts of candy floss to get glossy, fluffy manes.  Please join me .. we'll drink champagne and orange juice and lift our glasses to ...

• 90:  Moonshot
• 70: Veldis
• 50:  Rubberduck

♫♪♪♪♫♪♫♫

Notes

• Please be sure to check in for dungeons ... your participation can mean the difference between a win and a loss.  If we were to all sign in, Heart Warriors would be given the spanking they deserve! o.~

Elfbane's Favorite Hangout

Pwny Express!

Oops .. missed a post yesterday, and we had a person making big levelling moves!  Hoist a glass of beer for our favorite Polish guildie ...

• 30:  Kalais

♪♫♫♫♪♪♪

Notes

• Dolgan has been out shopping again, I see ...

 

Pwny Express!

Today's celebrations include a workout inside the dojo on the mats .. more pain!  More splatter! More bounces off the walls, and the floor! More blood!  More evil Sensei!!  What fun!  And then we'll hoist some beers to celebrate living and levelling!

• 160:  Iola
• 70:  Starkiller
• 50:  deathsanta

♪♪♫♪♫♫♫♫♪

Notes

• Fiscal donations to fund dungeons have to come from somewhere ... please donate one shift of your guard duty every second day .. let's see if we can keep the funds rolling in that way.   Zimmi has noted that participation is voluntary at this time.  So if we all pull together, she won't need to start beating you up for your lunch money.  Cause she'll do it!  Big bully.  *hands over lunch  money*

♪♫

• Today, we are collectively level 85.  Well done!

Your "photos" and Diablo 3

Hi all!

I am posting for Polish players screenies from our Guild Dungeon Raids. I thought you might be intrested in it. Maybe there is "photo" of you there ;)

Follow this link and scroll down the page :) Kalais Diablo Forums

As for Diablo 3, yeah, I was waiting for new item set. Blizzard is releasing every Tuesday and Thursday new screenshot of class item set. This time they were late for 2 days. So far there are 4 screenies, today should be posted 5th.


I don't know how about you, but I can't wait for Diablo 3. It will be best game ever (I hope) ;) If you haven't seen info about it ( o.O ) go check Official Diablo 3 website.

Pwny Express!

Let's see .. how shall we celebrate today?  A picnic in the park?  That sounds good .. we can have Zimmi fry up some chicken, Eagle Talon will bring devilled eggs, Chluthu can bring the calamari, Smalls will get pickles and cheese, Moora has buns (wowza!), Jaxey can bring his accordian .. and Dolgan can roll a keg over!  We'll snack, play games and naturally ... drink beer!

• 60:  nonames

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Notes

• The many Blizzard fans in guild will be chatting about game stuff later on, I imagine, with the release of Cataclysm infrastructure.  I know Kalais was looking forward to new  Diablo dungeon sets as well. 

 ♪♫

• I stumbled upon this website earlier today and almost snorted my tea through my nose.  It's called My First Dictionary, but let me warn you .. it is NOT for children.

Pwny Express!

In Canada, today is Thanksgiving Sunday and many people will be in houses full of family chatter and banter while the smell of pumpkin pie and roast turkey wafts through the air.  So our celebrations will be tastefully limited to wine toda ... ow!  Dolgan ... quit twisting my arm.   Ow, ow, okay ... so .. umm .. celebrations will be tastefully limited to tapping kegs of the finest Canadian beer.  And let's give thanks for our movers and shakers today!

• 170: Eagle Talon
• 60:   Atcher
• New Pwnies:  Nodok (101), HarshReality (93), 181149 (93), Brunyon (87), Starkiller (68)

♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪

Notes

• The average My Lil Pwny is level 83 today.  If you're above the mark .. keep on working at pulling up that curve.  If you're below it ... eat your oats and get a move on.  We'll need higher levels for the bigger dungeons coming.  Not just to defeat it, but for the gold it requires.  Higher levels have the gold to donate for the dungeon and attack fees.

♫♪

• Autumn seems to be an industrious time and people the world over start looking for projects to take them into the winter months.  In the game of Shakes & Fidget, this seems to translates to building bigger and 'better' guilds.  There are merger talks floating in the air for some of the other guilds.  We've claimed some really good people today as a result of mergers.  There are unhappy people feeling left out of or objecting to plans for mergers.  If you know of  active players with good personalities who are looking for a new home and are above level 80, let Zimmi know, please.

 ♪♫

• Also, if you check the officers page, you'll see a list of people Zimmi is not wanting us to invite, or reinvite because of past issues.  If you're an officer, please check that list before sending out an invite.

Raid and War Captains

We now have a few folks to manage our raids and wars.  Please defer to the following guildmates to initiate our battles from now on:

• Smalls
• Moora
• Jaxey

They will be managing the fights so others shouldn't be clicking to start wars or raids without their express approval first, preferably if you have input, send it to them and have them still be the ones to start the wars.

• Iola and Eagle may also start wars if no one else is on and we are free to initiate.

Congrats to you all!

Pwny Express!

Dungeon Two is history and we rocked it!  It's fantastic to see our lower levels cleaning out a place so efficiently.  :D   We have some celebrating to do, so let's hoist a frosty flagon for

• 90:  Kurec
• New Pwny:  DeathSanta (47)

♪♫♫♪♪♪♫

Notes

• War is hell, they say.  It's also very expensive.  In the last day, we've spent over half a million.  So Zimmi is going to assign raid leaders who will look at our competition, check to see how much we have in the kitty, coordinate with each other.  All in all, we'll be orchestrated like a fine ballet. Which appeals to Eagle Talon, he does so appreciate a good dancer.  *sigh* We just need to get him out of the dancehalls where its acceptable to tuck bills into g-strings.

 ♫♪

• Over on the right, you'll see a new clickable picture that will take you to Kalais' website .. Shakes & Fidget Formulas.  He's got handy calculators for determining best quests or best weapons.  He's done a lot of research .. have a look!

Guild Dungeon Fight, lvl 51 a Terrific Success!

Congrats to all - that first guild raid was successful and pretty simple overall.  They will no doubt become much harder than this first one as we go but that was a lot of fun!  We had great participation as well with nearly all of our guild clicked in!  Great turn out!  Thank you all very much.

Level up and keep improving your stats and gear as you go!  We'll keep plugging away with the raids, hopefully at least one a day- check in the a.m. tomorrow as I will start one later tonight. 

Congratulations again all!

Pwny Express!

So here I am ... casually wandering into the day when, wham, I get three posts from Smee!  Who's very excited about guild dungeons and /w.   I have to agree with him .. guild dungeons, go!!  I am pleasantly surprised by the /w being added to the game .. it will give you a whole new dimension of chatting with people who are actually online!!  And you know me .. I do so love to chat.  And drink beer. And celebrate. So let's get started with the beer celebratin' already!

• 120:  Glechen
• 20:  Kalais
• New Pwny:  Archman (63)

♪♪♫♪♫♫♫♪

Notes

• Archman, as the new pwny on the block, you have to learn tricks.  This week, it will be cleaning blood off the mats in the dojo and sweeping up the sawdust in the tavern downstairs.  Welcome aboard! 
• Guild Dungeons ... looking forward to the very first one.  Booyah!
• /w ... have been part of World of Warcraft since, like, forever.  This game, for me, has always lacked a sense of immediacy in trying to have chats with people.  I'm pretty pumped about this!

 

Eagle Talon:  Guild dungeons???  NO WAI!!

Guild Dungeons and Whisper!

It's official - Guild Dungeons are FINALLY LIVE! If you are logged in, hit F5 to refresh the screen and your dungeon raid icon should appear near the usual fight and defense icons above the chat window.

You can also send whispers to one another by typing /w or /whisper and the name of who you are sending the message to - it will appear pink in your chat window.

Another addition is the refilling vendors.  If you purchase something, it will refill that slot with another random item.  While it would be nice if potions would refill with the same, this is still cool because you gain more chances for great items to show up with less mushroom use.

Enjoy and look at S&F's official forums for more info.  More to come as I actually READ the info.

Here is the link to the forums where the info is:
Shakes & Fidget Community Forums

Pwny Express!

It's time to put on make-up .. it's time to light the lights .. it's time to get things started ... on the most sensational, inspirational ... oh, you get the song.  'Nuff said.  (or sang).  Today, we have one mover/shaker in the house ...

• 120:  Ash Clayton

♪♫♫♪♪♫♪♪♫

Notes

• I've been following everyone's progress for about a week now and while I'm primarily here to note the pwnies who are pushing their character to new levels, I also note those who are not doing a thing. 
  
  Zimmi encourages us all to quest for gold to spend on giving our toon better stats rather than pushing levels.  However, it's important to us as a guild that you are progressing.  A whole week without an increase in levels is stagnation.  Even without mushrooms and even questing for gold instead of experience .. you should still be levelling.
  
  Some have reason for inactivity - Zimmi should be aware of them.   If you've just been slackin' .. and I know it's a human tendency .. then we ask you to kick it up a notch or two. 
  
  In the last two weeks, we've pushed our guild to one of the top 10 on Server 1.  We have the capability to vault into the top 5 if we only have a few more of you working on advancing your characters.  We also have guild dungeons just around the corner and the amount of loot and experience we get there will depend on your levels as well.  
  
  Please let Zimmi know any reasons for inactivity, if you haven't already done so.

Honky Tonk Field Trip

I was tawkin' to Iola, Zimmi, and da famous Dwarvian brown Alemiester, Dolgan Elfbane, the other day about Texas and the good times to be had there. As the subject got around to the various kinds of brew in the world it quite naturally took a turn to our famous Texas Honky Tonks. As I extolled the virtures of Tecate, Bohemia, Lone Star and various other brews, they thought it would be a good idea for a little 'field trip' down Texas way. They just HAD to visit a typical Texas honky tonk.

Now I warned them, if they wanted a TYPICAL honky tonk it would not be anything like the famous Billy Bobs in Ft. Worth. They be famous for a bunch of vicious mechanical bulls to be ridden while wasted on Bohemia or Tecate and for the gigantic dance floor. If they want typical then I have jest the place for a little trip. We are tawkin' hard core honky tonks now. The Dew Drop Inn. That's the place!!

Anyhow, off we went and I tell you I made them leave their armor behind. Less luggage makes for an easier flight. I could only fly with three and they better not tickle me enroute. I kinda suspected da Elfbane had a keg or two hidden on him. 

I do say though, some people you can't take anywhere! Those three fought the whole way. It was, "Make him move over." "She is hoggin' all the room." "He's touchin' me." And they kept arguing about who was gonna be on top. Now da Eagle is NOT a griffin. There ain't a whole heck of a lot of room on MY back!! It was a good flight except da Elfbane kept dropping his empty kegs on the poor Lone Star citizens below. I swear I think I saw them licking the smashed kegs!!

Finally arriving at the door to the Dew Drop Inn I am afraid they might have been a little disappointed. As I told em before we came, it is rather small, but has all the necessary amenities needed for a good honky tonk. 

Iola needed to go to the little girls room which was the one out back with the little half moon on the door. I shoulda warned her, but just as she sat down to get a little relief all the walls fell down!!! The owner uses that as his opening act with lights, cameras and rigged walls. I tell you, she was PO'd!! I flew to the roof for cover till she cooled down. But the bright lights got to her and before you knew it she was doing some down home singing, dancin' and magic for the folks. She was a real hit. I think it was her wand that won em ovah. They thought it was a cow prod and she just had to be a down home gal!! Either that or they were hoping for a little prodding from her personally. No tellin' what those silly sticks can conjure up.

Then we went inside. Kinda crowded but hey we like to dance close in Texas. No room for a mechanical bull cause they are just too dang expensive to buy and keep up. They eat oil like they own a oil well or sumpin'. They do have a ADHD mechanical cow though. You don't ride it. You try to milk it. That isn't as easy as it may sound. Ask Dolgan because after a case of Tecate he tried. That mechanical cow first slapped him awinding with its tail then kicked him clear to El Paso. He was done for this trip. We had to pick him up on the way back.

Well, close dancing is hard and when the crowd gets too big then they turn up the volume on the music, throw open all the windows and move it out to the parking lot. For line dancing we have to rope off the Interstate Highway out front. After a few line dances Iola was up doing a table dance. The whole Sheriffs department got word and came by to watch! They sat there droolin' and keepin' an eye on that stick. I think they wanted to ask if she and Zimmi were licensed to 'pack' but the show was so dad blamed good they didn't want it to stop!! Zimmi was being twirled around and around by at least a dozen guys. Couldn't tell if she was dizzy or three sheets to the wind.

Betcha can't guess which one is Zimmi and which is Iola!!

Well the adventure could go on and on, but to make a short story longer I will move the clock up to 5 am in the mornin'. I wasn't seeing to well by this time and found myself in the median of the interstate wondering how da heck I got there. I figured I better find my passengers and git us back to the house. I searched all ovah and finally found Zimmi under a table with a half full mugin one hand and a long stemmed yellow rose of Texas in the other. There were two deputies fighting ovah who actually gave her that rose. She was out of it lemme tell you. Iola was behind the bar. Now I will not tell all I saw there since I am now an honorary 'sista'. What happens behind a bar, stays behind a bar. 

So....I rounded them both up...tole them that we gotta find da Elfbane and poured em on my back. They both tried to bring a couple of studdly lookin' guys back with em, but I nixed that!! I told em I was studdly enough for em both. Can you believe it, they laughed! I asked a deputy to point me to El Paso (since everything was kinda a fog) but then he pulled out his breathalizer so I quickly took off. *hop ... hop ... hop ... leap ...* We were off!! My tail was draggin' a bit, but we got in the air. It was dawn and I felt the sun to my back so I figured I must be heading west toward El Paso.

Once in El Paso I had to rely on other instincts besides sight...so I listened real close and smelled a lot. I looked everywhere...finally I decided to check in Juarez to see if he landed there...flying low I passed the border and ..oh my gosh....bullets flew everywhere!! I turned to head back to the border when I heard and smelled the most gosh awful BELCH imaginable!!! "We found da Elfbane!!" I shouted to the girls (who were still out like a light on my back). I swooped down and there he was ...his bottom half in Mexico and top half in the US. I drug him stateside and poured him on my back with the girls and headed back to the guild.

So there you have it. Almost all the dope on our field trip. I was threatened with becoming a bald eagle if I told everything. And you just don't know how hard that is for da Eagle. But one good thing. They bettah be real sweet to me!!!